A Satanist's View on Sex Education

"Satanism encourages any form of sexual expression you may desire, so long as it hurts no one else. If all parties involved are mature adults who willingly take full responsibility for their actions and voluntarily engage in a given form of sexual expression - even if it is generally considered taboo - then there is no reason for them to repress their sexual inclinations." ~ Anton LaVey

     I know, it's hard to look at your kid and think someday they'll be out in the big grown up world having sex. But newsflash, it is almost guaranteed they will. You can't prevent it, and honestly you shouldn't try to. Before you start hitting the report button let me finish.

     Sex is a completely natural part of existence. After all it's how we, and most other creatures procreate and continue to supply this planet with life. It's also, for most people, enjoyable, important, and there is absolutely nothing "dirty" or "impure" about it. I could go on for hours about the absurdity of religious sexual oppression, the bullshit concept of original sin, or that somehow waiting until marriage makes you "pure," and don't even get me started on the platform of homophobia...just start this reading off with the understanding that I firmly believe sex is a natural, healthy part of life, and as long all parties  involved are consenting adults, what you do, who you do it with, or any of the nitty-gritty details, is your right and your business, nobody else's. 

     That being said, most of our kids are going to at some point in their life, whether they do so in the ever so wonderful hormone induced tidal wave of emotional teenage adolescence and then scream at you from their locked bathroom door that they hate you and it's all your fault that things didn't work out with the boyfriend/girlfriend afterwards, or wait until they've moved out as young adults and can enjoy the privacy of having their own place rather than sneaking a boy/girl in through the garage as to avoid waking their parents...it's gonna happen. So as their parent it is your responsibility to make sure they are informed and well educated about the the topic regardless of how uncomfortable it might make you. I understand it's not easy; I consider myself a pretty progressive parent when it comes to the sex talk and even I found myself pausing and barely capable of squeaking out the word vagina to my son when he asked at six years old where babies came from. It's awkward, but it has to be done.

     Let's go back to that word for a moment: vagina. You may have thought to yourself "I would never call it that, call it something else!" Private parts, pee pee area, junk, etc...these are some common phrases parents use to describe genitalia to young children. And I get it, the idea of hearing a six year old openly say penis or vagina seems odd. But if you think about it in terms of it being just another body part that is found naturally occurring on the average human being, saying "this is my penis" is no different than "this is my nose." I didn't think much about it at first and I was among the many parents that used the word pee pee with my first son, until a teacher friend posted something on Facebook. It was quite lengthy so I'll paraphrase: but basically the gist was when you teach your kids the correct terminology for things it prevents the possibility for some pretty horrible situations. The example she used was a little girl who kept complaining about her uncle touching her cookie. Not a big deal right? Now how she used the correct terminology, or even close to it, and came to school and told someone her uncle touched her vagina we're handling this situation a whole lot differently now aren't we? 

     Sheltering your children from sex can actually hurt them. I myself grew up in a household with a maternal figurehead that very vocally looked down upon all sex as promiscuity and tossed the word slut around constantly, to the point that had we any questions we sure as hell weren't going to ask them! Better to just avoid the topic all together. As a result a family member in this same household lost her virginity way too young at school because a boy told her "when you really like someone you have sex," and well, she wanted him to like her. I myself experienced a horrible first period because nobody had discussed even the slightest bit of sex/body education with me and I got mine before most of my classmates, before we had our sex-ed presentation in junior high, and another 11 year old had me convinced I was somehow pregnant and having a miscarriage like her mom did....it's funny now. It was NOT funny then. And teaching children the ins and outs of their body isn't enough, you have to let them know it's also completely natural and okay (there's a whole bit on age appropriateness but we'll come back to that). Kids that have it pounded in their head that sex is wrong, dirty, or that their value/worth/capability to be loved  is like a band aid - the more you stick a band-aid to something (more partners you have) the less it sticks (the weaker your future relationships will be)... I shit you not that was an actual demonstration in my public junior high school sex education class... it fucks these kids up. They have intimacy issues, self esteem issues, and it leaves them to a lifetime of vulnerability to domestic abuse. Where this becomes most dangerous is in households of religious upbringing where not only is sex considered a sin and still only meant to pop out babies for your husband, but that women are also meant to be subservient to their husbands. These two beliefs often go hand in hand, leading to a lot of beaten wives who sit in church every Sunday blaming themselves for their abuse. You can't sit there and tell me you love your kids if that's what you're doing to them. 

     So what should you do? Chuck a box of condoms at your twelve year old and tell them to have a good time? No idiot, just be honest with them. Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. I've been honest with my kids when they come to me with questions. "Where do babies come from?" I went to the book store and got an age appropriate book (he was six at the time) and came home and explained it to him. He didn't die, and he was a hell of a lot less confused about my giant nine-months pregnant stomach. "Why was his penis in her mouth?" When my son's friend told him about what he saw when he walked in on his parents. We had the slightly more awkward "well sex feels good and there's a lot more involved than just the parts that make a baby" chat that included explaining to him that there are a lot of complex emotional factors that go into sex as well, and that children are not developed enough to experience or experiment with those things at his age, so that he clearly understood this was not a "yea it feels good go out and try it" permission slip. If you're wondering how that's worked out, so far he just hit that teenage stage and doesn't seem the least bit interested. I think I took away all the mystery behind it and it's just another boring thing grown ups do. I feel I've properly handled things so far. 

     It should go without saying, but talk to them about safety, stds/stis, condoms, birth control and all that jazz. And by that I don't mean try to scare the shit out of them with pictures of horrendously wart-infested genitals (that was about 80% of my sex ed class) be sincere, give facts, and provide resources and if worse comes to worse and you find yourself overwhelmed with no idea how to conduct any of these conversations, don't be too proud or embarrassed to seek professional assistance. Hit up your local Planned Parenthood or other reputable sex education centers and see if you can set your kid up with an appointment. Check out Youtube! There's some surprisingly good, accurate, non-biased videos out there that make good starting points in having these discussions with your kids. But most importantly don't shame them! Ever! Maybe you were brought up in a household where that's all you know? Be better. Give yourself the opportunity as a parent to learn from the misguidance that was forced upon you and do right by your children. Teach them about consent! 

Mentioning consent - sex education is to me a huge umbrella term for a whole lot of information. To avoid this post being ridiculously long, and to keep you from information dumping on your kids - I like to take it apart topic by topic. I will go into more focused topics in future blogs: talking to your kids about consent, LGBTQ and transgender/non-binary identities, and much more, but this a good start for now. And if you've read this far and don't think I'm some satanic whore trying to corrupt your innocent baby angels into a lifestyle of red-light district deviance...congratulations you give enough fucks about your kids to want to provide them with a healthy grasp on the reality of sex! I wish you the best of luck! 

Resources:

Here are some interesting articles I found on the correlation between sexual oppression and domestic abuse.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2017-07-18/domestic-violence-church-submit-to-husbands/8652028

https://www.thelancet.com/journals/langlo/article/PIIS2214-109X(15)00013-3/fulltext

http://www.pcadv.org/Learn-More/Domestic-Violence-Topics/Faith-And-Religion/

https://www.jstor.org/stable/25002073?seq=1#metadata_info_tab_contents

Youtube:

check out Laci Green's Sex+ videos like the one linked below! 

*Note: I do not agree with Laci's view points on everything! But when it comes to particular topic of sexual education she does a pretty great job.

https://youtu.be/TD2EooMhqRI

Ana Akana also put out a great video on things she wish she'd known before having sex 

https://youtu.be/Zxo3ben_Zes

And last but definitely not least look into your local Planned Parenthood, they really do offer some of the best services out there! 

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/