The Purge!
One of the major issues I have is not knowing when to get rid of things. I'm not a hoarder by any means, but I do have a really hard time tossing anything that can be "useful." The problem is when you grow up poor like I did, everything becomes useful because it's in your nature to stretch things out, make them last, make us of what you got, etc. I've gotten better in the last couple of years as I've lived with someone who is very minimalist in comparison. I remember when he moved in with me and we were cleaning out room for his clothes in my closet: "why do you have, like twenty notebooks?"
Me: "well I bought them during back to school sales when they were really cheap."
Him: "Okay. But why do you need so many?" And so we go back and forth about how my collection of empty, brand new notebooks came to be and how I kept meaning to donate them but just never got around to it and I certainly wasn't going to just throw them away because that's just wasteful.... we had this same conversation at least three times before I finally caved as we were purging the apartment to move into a house a few months later. I threw them away, all (turns out was closer to thirty) notebooks...and all the random boxes of staples for a stapler that I had lost and never gotten around to replacing, the dozens of hotel/bank/insurance pens that had come home with me and ended up in my pen bin that I kept swearing someday I'd clean out for the past four years.. and a bunch of other stuff. But because I did it with such hesitation and fear that "watch I'll end up needing that and it'll be gone now" or anger because "somebody could have used that", I didn't get the feelings of relief and freedom I did this time around.
2018 was a chaotic dumpster fire of a year for us - financially, emotionally, health-wise, you name it we probably dealt with it. I hit a major depression by August right after my car was totaled, and kind of just gave up on everything for a few months, including my house. It wasn't filthy, just cluttered. We have very little storage where we live and all of it was full, resulting in boxes of games (I co-run a gaming convention), clothes, blankets, stuffed animals, decor I had never gotten around to unpacking, posters, all kinds of stuff was just kind of stuck wherever we could find room that wasn't in the main walkways of the house. It was a nightmare, my nerves were shot, my anxiety went through the roof, and every time we tried to tackle it during our very busy/hectic schedule we both just got so overwhelmed and frustrated with the lack of space and how exhausted we already were, we'd end up just avoiding being home instead.
In December I decided to get treatment for my depression. It was just getting worse and I couldn't handle it alone anymore. By January I was receiving treatment and a new cocktail of medications which now have me back to my functional, rational self. It was getting to this point I was just done with the mess. We canceled most of our plans in a two week stretch and every day we tackled some small part of it - not just cleaning it - purging it! Did we need this? When was the last time we used it? Is it something we absolutely cannot go without? How important is it on a sentimental factor and would a picture of it do just as fine? One of the things that first triggered this was the second or third episode of Marie Kondo's show that I started watching out of curiosity. Now let's be real, no one is gonna to hold up every item they own and ask if it brings you joy, or at least I'm not. But the whole throwing all your clothes in a pile and really seeing just how much you own? That left an impression. Especially when you'd hear the person she was visiting talk about how they've never word some of them or hadn't in years. I realized I also own a lot of clothes, some I haven't worn in years or I just never wore them because I didn't love the way they fit or didn't feel attractive in them. Why did I own them then?
I started with the bookshelf by my bed. If it was a book I had already read, it went in the donation pile. If it was a new book I had bought more than two years ago, it went in the donation pile. Then my closet, which the timing was perfect on because The Satanic Temple AZ Chapter had just launched their Lord of the Ties clothing donation drive, so all the office attire I had just sitting uselessly in my closet from previous jobs when I was heavier, went to people who actually need them! Then I attacked my biggest battle: paperwork. I scanned anything I absolutely needed to keep into Google Drive and then shredded it, and within a week the whole purging process wasn't a task anymore, it was freeing. I was enjoying it! I got rid of so much useless shit from my house! We got a storage unit for our gaming stuff and literally went room by room and tossed/donated anything we could justify getting rid of and now our house actually feels like a home! I'm not embarrassed to invite people over, I don't feel anxious or overwhelmed, even the dog and kids seem more relaxed and we don't spend as much time trying to find things.
As amazing as this experience was and continues to be, we're still bit by bit re-covering rooms making sure we aren't holding onto to excess crap, we know getting rid of stuff isn't enough. It won't fix what cause the original problem. The next step is to maintain it by 1) not letting ourselves by useless or unnecessary shit that is just going to take up space. Yes that means NOT buying that cute ceramic bunny in the clearance section after Easter even though it was only 90 cents... I didn't need it...2) keeping up on the house; do I want to fold the laundry and putting it away right away even if it means doing so at 11 o'clock at night after a long day of work and running a game night? No I sure as fuck don't. But is it worth that extra 10-15 minutes of sleep knowing that if I just leave the basket there on the kitchen table, the kids are going to dig through it looking for socks in the morning, dropping stuff on the floor that the dog will undoubtedly grab and run off with into the yard meaning I'll have to re-wash it later...yea thanks but I'll just fold this shit real quick instead. I'm getting better at holding the kids accountable too. And not by harping on them so much as nicely reminding them "hey you know how it feels a lot nicer to hang out in the living room since we deep cleaned everything? lets keep it that way!" or "You like being able to find your stuff easy right? Pick up your room so it stays that way!" It's working too, my seven year old actually came up to me last night to tell me how he had picked up his half of the room and he liked how nice it looked. I told him how proud I was of him and I'm so happy to get to have that kind of interaction when I get home instead of feeling drained and dreadful walking though my front door.
I hope this serves as motivation for you if you're struggling with similar issues. It can be done and don't be afraid to ask close friends or family for help. Living a more minimalist lifestyle has so many benefits, and doesn't mean you have to get rid of everything, just the clutter that really isn't doing you or your family any good. Best of luck to you!
Me: "well I bought them during back to school sales when they were really cheap."
Him: "Okay. But why do you need so many?" And so we go back and forth about how my collection of empty, brand new notebooks came to be and how I kept meaning to donate them but just never got around to it and I certainly wasn't going to just throw them away because that's just wasteful.... we had this same conversation at least three times before I finally caved as we were purging the apartment to move into a house a few months later. I threw them away, all (turns out was closer to thirty) notebooks...and all the random boxes of staples for a stapler that I had lost and never gotten around to replacing, the dozens of hotel/bank/insurance pens that had come home with me and ended up in my pen bin that I kept swearing someday I'd clean out for the past four years.. and a bunch of other stuff. But because I did it with such hesitation and fear that "watch I'll end up needing that and it'll be gone now" or anger because "somebody could have used that", I didn't get the feelings of relief and freedom I did this time around.
2018 was a chaotic dumpster fire of a year for us - financially, emotionally, health-wise, you name it we probably dealt with it. I hit a major depression by August right after my car was totaled, and kind of just gave up on everything for a few months, including my house. It wasn't filthy, just cluttered. We have very little storage where we live and all of it was full, resulting in boxes of games (I co-run a gaming convention), clothes, blankets, stuffed animals, decor I had never gotten around to unpacking, posters, all kinds of stuff was just kind of stuck wherever we could find room that wasn't in the main walkways of the house. It was a nightmare, my nerves were shot, my anxiety went through the roof, and every time we tried to tackle it during our very busy/hectic schedule we both just got so overwhelmed and frustrated with the lack of space and how exhausted we already were, we'd end up just avoiding being home instead.
In December I decided to get treatment for my depression. It was just getting worse and I couldn't handle it alone anymore. By January I was receiving treatment and a new cocktail of medications which now have me back to my functional, rational self. It was getting to this point I was just done with the mess. We canceled most of our plans in a two week stretch and every day we tackled some small part of it - not just cleaning it - purging it! Did we need this? When was the last time we used it? Is it something we absolutely cannot go without? How important is it on a sentimental factor and would a picture of it do just as fine? One of the things that first triggered this was the second or third episode of Marie Kondo's show that I started watching out of curiosity. Now let's be real, no one is gonna to hold up every item they own and ask if it brings you joy, or at least I'm not. But the whole throwing all your clothes in a pile and really seeing just how much you own? That left an impression. Especially when you'd hear the person she was visiting talk about how they've never word some of them or hadn't in years. I realized I also own a lot of clothes, some I haven't worn in years or I just never wore them because I didn't love the way they fit or didn't feel attractive in them. Why did I own them then?
I started with the bookshelf by my bed. If it was a book I had already read, it went in the donation pile. If it was a new book I had bought more than two years ago, it went in the donation pile. Then my closet, which the timing was perfect on because The Satanic Temple AZ Chapter had just launched their Lord of the Ties clothing donation drive, so all the office attire I had just sitting uselessly in my closet from previous jobs when I was heavier, went to people who actually need them! Then I attacked my biggest battle: paperwork. I scanned anything I absolutely needed to keep into Google Drive and then shredded it, and within a week the whole purging process wasn't a task anymore, it was freeing. I was enjoying it! I got rid of so much useless shit from my house! We got a storage unit for our gaming stuff and literally went room by room and tossed/donated anything we could justify getting rid of and now our house actually feels like a home! I'm not embarrassed to invite people over, I don't feel anxious or overwhelmed, even the dog and kids seem more relaxed and we don't spend as much time trying to find things.
As amazing as this experience was and continues to be, we're still bit by bit re-covering rooms making sure we aren't holding onto to excess crap, we know getting rid of stuff isn't enough. It won't fix what cause the original problem. The next step is to maintain it by 1) not letting ourselves by useless or unnecessary shit that is just going to take up space. Yes that means NOT buying that cute ceramic bunny in the clearance section after Easter even though it was only 90 cents... I didn't need it...2) keeping up on the house; do I want to fold the laundry and putting it away right away even if it means doing so at 11 o'clock at night after a long day of work and running a game night? No I sure as fuck don't. But is it worth that extra 10-15 minutes of sleep knowing that if I just leave the basket there on the kitchen table, the kids are going to dig through it looking for socks in the morning, dropping stuff on the floor that the dog will undoubtedly grab and run off with into the yard meaning I'll have to re-wash it later...yea thanks but I'll just fold this shit real quick instead. I'm getting better at holding the kids accountable too. And not by harping on them so much as nicely reminding them "hey you know how it feels a lot nicer to hang out in the living room since we deep cleaned everything? lets keep it that way!" or "You like being able to find your stuff easy right? Pick up your room so it stays that way!" It's working too, my seven year old actually came up to me last night to tell me how he had picked up his half of the room and he liked how nice it looked. I told him how proud I was of him and I'm so happy to get to have that kind of interaction when I get home instead of feeling drained and dreadful walking though my front door.
I hope this serves as motivation for you if you're struggling with similar issues. It can be done and don't be afraid to ask close friends or family for help. Living a more minimalist lifestyle has so many benefits, and doesn't mean you have to get rid of everything, just the clutter that really isn't doing you or your family any good. Best of luck to you!
Interested in learning more about donation drives hosted by The Satanic Temple in AZ? Visit www.TheSatanicTempleArizona.com
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